The Trials of Inter-Species Romance

roar... Giraffe and I had a fight recently. It all started because she saw this girl's blog about visiting the Key to the City locations. She was mad that I hadn't done any of them with her and said we didn't spend enough time together! I told Giraffe I had emailed Lauren about her going on a double date with Giraffe and me but Lauren said that just because she'd go on a date with a girl didn't mean she was into inter-species dating. Giraffe said that was no excuse and we could have gone out together anyways and to top it off I didn't know a thing about mammals! It was a pretty bad fight. roar... 

Giraffe was right though. Even though I was dating one I really didn't know all that much about mammals. So I decided in order to make it up to Giraffe I needed to change that!

Here I am way down in Chinatown on my way to Saint James Church to visit the Ancient Order of Hibernians. If anyone can tell me about mammals it has to be them!

Here I am in frot of the church. Since it's an ancient, secret order I wasn't allowed to take any pictures inside. The Hibernians were really helpful though, even though they weren't exactly sure why I came to them they told me that besides hibernation, which, apparently, only some mammals do, mammals give birth to live young, drink dairy products, grow hair on their bodies to keep warm, and females have these things called "mammary glands." Talk about strange!

Since mammals give birth to live young I decided to head over to one Brooklyn neighborhood that I heard has a rampant baby population, Park Slope!

 

Here I am down in Park Slope. It was so crazy, there were babies everywhere! I must have seen over five hundred of them! The Hibernians may have told me that mammals gave birth to live young but these kids all seemed to have designer plastic eggs on wheels! I guess maybe we aren't so different after all. Roar!

Next, I headed over to my local supermarket to try and change up my diet.

Roar! So much to choose from! Whole? 2%? 1%? Skim? Soy? This is a lot more complicated than I thought. I just want to drink some milk!

Finally, after a series of tough decisions, I finally "Got" some milk. Roar!

Next, I had to learn about hair. Luckily for me someone had already written a musical on the subject so I went on down to the local thrift store to pick up a copy to listen to.

I didn't learn anything from this! Roar!

Lastly I need to learn about mammary glands. Apparently they're something that female mammals have and is unique to the gender. It turns out that this past weekend there was a topless rights march in Central Park so I went on over to see what these mammary glands were all about.

Here I am with a couple of the female human mammals at the topless rights march. It turns out it's against the law in most places for female human mammals to go topless! Luckily, here in NYC it's been legal since 1992 but not many people know this. The march is to help raise awareness of the issue and garner support for the cause in other states. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is, male and female dinosaurs go topless all the time and no one ever seemed to mind. All other mammals also go topless and no one cares, I guess humans are just really prudish! Roar!

What ended up being really strange about the march is it was sponsored by this group called the Raelians. Turns out they believe that human beings were created in the image of aliens from Rael and it's shameful to cover up the perfection of their creators. Now I'm really confused! I guess humanity isn't really the best example to go by when trying to learn about mammals! Roar!

That was the end of my week. When I next saw Giraffe I told her about how I spent my week trying to learn about mammals and how I learned how being a mammal was a lot more complicated than I had originally thought. She was really touched by the all the effort I'd put in and said it was ok if I didn't completely understand mammals so long as I made the effort to try! Roar!